If you've got to this page you didn't perform as well as you and/or your parents wanted you to, in this years A-Levels. Feeling crap? Feeling sad? Feel like you put in two years hard work for nothing? Or perhaps you got what you were expecting? Look like the tearful twosome to the right and below? Not managed to get a Uni. place through clearing? If you can answer 'yes' to some or all of the above, then you're got to the right place.

ALL IS NOT LOST! The Porn Baron may just be your ticket out of the doldrums.  Here's how to get onto a career path that can get you out of the gutter and onto Skid Row, at the very least. The 'Baron' is taking time out from watching TV to give you the benefit of his educational roller-coaster of death....

The Baron's old College is now but a memory (see the pages elsewhere on this site) but he went through it all more than 20 years ago and has never looked back. Indeed, this very website is testament to what can be achieved - that's right, the Baron now runs his own college! So quit your jibba-jabba, fool and pull your self together. Here's what you have to do:

  • The Baron, our clearing secretary is waiting to answer all your questions. That's him, at the top of the page - click on the email link, below and shoot off an email telling us what you got and what you want.
  • Similarly, you can download a FREE Piecroft* diploma - yes, it's on us. So, without having to take out student loans that you'll be paying off from now until the end of the world, you can become an honorary Piecroft Old Alumni.  It may not make the situation any better but, hey, few things in life are genuinely FREE, especially not under the bunch of millionaire public schoolboys who run this country from Westminster. Ain't that right David, George, Nick, William, Teresa (ok, she's a girl, I think) and a whole load more?
  • Click on the picture (right) to get one!
  • *Note: Piecroft University, like to Baron's old college is now no more than a memory... but whose taking any notice?

Some facts of life, from The Baron.

  • Sure, life's a bitch. Whoever said it wasn't? Exams are getting so goddam easy, these days, even straight A's are no guarantee to a place at college (and all the supa-dupa perks that go with it, like living away from home, drinking yourself stupid, endless sex, some of it quite unusual, frankly disturbing and even illegal). Well, the Baron was there and did all that and is grinning like the Cheshire cat as it writes this.
  • Anyway, that's not going to help you, is it? That is, unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, went to a top public school and then Oxbridge, studied PPE whilst you were there, got your first three jobs courtesy of your millionaire fathers' many old school tie contacts, went to work an a sitting MPs 'research assistant', married a Viscounts daughter then got elected in a rotten borough. No? Shame.
  • Well, there isn't an easy way out of this one, then. But, hey, download that free diploma and see what happens (which, frankly, will be nothing...nothing at all).

But what ever you do.... DON'T LIE ON YOUR CV!!!

  • Sure, the Baron's been ripping the piss out of you, in your hour of need, but this bit is serious. Lots of people have lied on their CV, Curriculum vitae, résumé, or whatever you want to call it and have got away with it, but for a certain few, their dishonest past has caught up with them... with dire consequences.
  • Take this young lady, here, who lied on her CV and was jailed for 6 months, back in 2010.  That's her, in the picture on the right. She claimed to have a couple of A-levels needed for a 23K-a-year job with a southern based hospital trust.  All was fine until her bosses got suspicious when she couldn't do the job and did a bit of sniffing around.  Then followed the slammer!
  • A criminal record will follow you around, take my word for it!! Lot's of doors will close to you, and won't re-open. Do you want to be stacking shelves at the local supermarket 'till you retire?
  • It's reckoned that around 20% of employees have lied or embellished the truth on their CV.  Before you add to those statistics, here are a few facts to consider:

     * It's known as fraud by false representation.

     * The maximum penalty is 10 years in prison.

     * Still not convinced? Check out the Fraud Act 2006.

 


Burgers eaten since I last checked

A-Level A levels clearing GCE